No-Win Today

Mom says she can handle everything herself now. So I don't need to be here. She wants me to move to the Big Island as soon as the house is finished. She says Dad can help her do everything.

What is interesting is that an hour or so later she will be asking me to help her do something. Sometimes though I can't figure out what she is asking me to help her with because it makes no sense. So as I try to figure it out, I ask clarifying questions which makes her angry. But if I do the wrong thing that also makes her angry. It's a no-win situation, unless I guess right.

So although there were a lot of positive things we did today, e.g., short walk in the morning that helped ease the pain in her hip, "balanced" checkbook, and cashed a check (that had been sitting around for a couple of months), because I made her take her pills this evening she wants me to leave. Following the After Hours nurse help line and taking her to the after hours clinic also got her upset. (She asked again tonight about why her right foot is fatter than her left foot and what she should do about it.) It doesn't make any sense, but with dementia not much does. Tomorrow she will have forgotten all of this. But this or a similar conversation will likely happen again in a week or so.

Sometimes when something gets her attention, like a commercial on the television, she will talk about it almost continuously, repeating her statements after about 5 minutes. It is especially difficult when she seems to think it is somehow related to something she can remember something about, but doesn't quite remember the details (that usually make the relation irrelevant). This can go on for half an hour. It is no wonder that Dad has gotten in to the habit of tuning her out, which then causes her to start yelling at him and getting very angry with him. She accuses him of not listening (which is true) and not helping her (also true, but I think it is a by-product of tuning her out). It is a wonder that he is still sane.

I put up "Lost Cat" flyers around the neighborhood this evening. We'll see if they are more successful than checking the Humane Society every other day.